Today

So… today was about remembering, not reliving. That was a good start. Phil and I overslept, but I wasn’t worried about that because I had a strong sense that trying to get anywhere near the site while all the official events were still going on was going to be both impossible and misery-inducing. So we went later. And that was fine.

Things did not start completely smoothly. When we left our hotel, we made a stop at Starbucks (excruciatingly slow, for some reason, but I’d had no access to coffee at all, so this was not optional) and then had a long, difficult time on the subway to get downtown. We got off at West 4^th Street, where my train got stopped on 9/11, and walked down, as I did then, to Tribeca and my old place of business from there.

I have to admit that, although the first moments of coming up out of the subway and seeing the Towers is burned into my memory, and although a few other moments from the trip are also clear and unforgettable, I don’t really remember most of it at all. I did remember the blocks south of Canal, but not from 9/11 itself. Those are the streets I walked for some days and weeks after, when the subway didn’t run any farther and we had to show ID and other paperwork to get through the checkpoints at Canal. In those days, that southern tip of Manhattan was spooky, like a post-apocalypse movie. There was no traffic on the streets except for the occasional emergency vehicle, and many of the buildings were empty. Businesses were closed and lots of the residents had evacuated.

Today there were plenty of people, mostly in groups and couples, as you’d imagine. And when we got down to Duane Street, where I worked, things began to feel more meaningful. I stood on the corner of Duane and Greenwich and took pictures. This is where I stood and watched the first tower fall. On following days, this is also where every news organization in the world would set up and broadcast their reports. Remember all those talking heads with the smoking site and seven-story pile of debris looming behind them? They were all shot on Greenwich Street, three doors down from my place of business, Real Pilates.

Things today went downhill after that. At first, we couldn’t get within three blocks of the site, and when some of the barricades eventually came down, we still couldn’t see much. For all the organization that was in evidence — police with wands manning barricades and checkpoints, paths and wayfinding for the families and others who’d been invited to the morning’s ceremonies — there was also remarkable chaos. The police didn’t seem to know what was happening, and nowhere was there any information about what places were accessible, how to get anywhere, or what would happen later.

And then, of course, there were the protest groups, which I go off about in a different post. Heavy sigh there.

The thing that was missing today was any sense of community. There’s more to say about that, but, again, it must wait for a longer post or no one will ever read this one. I’m glad we went, and I want to go again and try to see something of the actual plaza that’s at least partly there now. Those are the positive takeaways of today. But I also feel pretty completely excluded from the proceedings, which is what I’ve felt at most of the significant moments of the redesign and rebuilding process ever since 2001. That’s the more negative takeaway. But it does make me think that perhaps I need to let go of this place and this event to a greater extent, as it’s clearly let go of me. Sad, but perhaps, in the end, a happier choice. Stay tuned for updates.